If I were a month I would be: february (ski season)

If I were a day of the week I would be: monday (the most useless of all the days )

If I were a time of day I would be: 0:00

If I were a planet I would be: mecury (hot yeah?)

If I were a direction I would be: straight forward

If I were a historical figure I would be: dead

If i were a liquid I would be: mecury (metal)

If I were a tree I would be: a calafornian red wood (tall)

If I were a flower/plant I would be a : part of a large community of sybiotically joined mushrooms

If I were a kind of weather I would be: cloudy

If I were a musical instrument I would be: a recorder (little kids feel free to blow me)

If I were an animal I would be: a fox

If I were a color I would be: white (its tru)

If I were a fruit I would be: strawberry as in blonde

If I were a sound I would be: a tree falling in a forest with no one around

If I were an element I would be: carbon

If I were a song I would be: freak on a leash (korn)

If I were a book I would be called: how to do it wrong

If I were a food I would be: a cellery no nutritional value whatsoeva

If I were a place I would be: slough. proper ghetto innit

If I were a scent I would be: freshly cut grass on a summer day

If I were a word I would be: antidisestablishmentairianism

If I were an object I would be: a ciggerett/fag

If I were a body part I would be: hmm an arse

If I were a facial expression I would be: screwd up

If I were a cartoon character I would be: ralph from simpsons